I haven't gone for my run yet, since it's a day my daughter doesn't have school and I have to wait for my husband to get home, but I'll get that in in a few hours.
In the mean time, I've been thinking more about speed. It's no secret that I'm a slow runner - back of the pack generally, and I came in last in my first 10k (granted, there were only 21 people including me in that race, but still). My fastest mile according to my garmin is a 10:48. Some of that is that I started running while 50lbs overweight - but some of it, as I began to realize when I got closer and closer to my goal weight (10lbs away, but losing that last 10 is obviously on hold right now) is that I'm just physically slow. I -am- faster than I used to be - my very first 5K clocked in at a 40:18. Speed demon, amirite? My most recent last month was 35:17 and that's good progress between September and January, but it's again, primarily because I lost weight. I'm just a slow poke. And usually, I'm okay with that.
Sometimes though, it's hard not to be just a little self conscious about it. Blogging has made this better and worse; better, because it's brought me into contact with other runners who -are- running my pace or close. Worse, because like the rest of the running community, most are a whole lot faster than I am.
For the most part, I know better than to compare myself to others and I'm grown up enough that comparing myself to others mostly lost its glamour in grade school. But .. but but but.
But I'm extremely competitive by nature and it's hard sometimes to ignore the little snipes that those of us running 12 minute miles aren't running, we're jogging, or aren't running, we're just briskly walking. I know that -most- runners aren't like this, and most of pretty damn supportive of everyone who gets out there and puts themselves on display to run the best race they can.
But, it's hard to swallow that working as hard as I can, I may never even end up in the middle of the pack.
But, it's hard to know that when I go running with my husband, he really doesn't get anything out of it at all. Especially as I get further along in this pregnancy, he's probably going to be able to walk alongside me as I run! (...which, he has before. Side effect of short wife and tall husband - his natural walk is a 15 minute mile and mine's a 20...)
I do love to run. I love that I can. For me, it was impossible. Jeff Galloway and the C25K made it possible for this particular pipe dream to come true, and I -can- run 5 miles without stopping, even if it's slow. Every time I go out there, I do the impossible. I'm the girl who couldn't run, and I have run as much as 13.1 miles! And that's worth celebrating, even if I'm slow.